Caregiving...you can leave it (at least for today)

A caregiver is a title I have never been comfortable with, but since becoming a mother it seems it defines me a lot more lately. Its one of the reasons why I have not blogged in weeks. I am just exhausted by the end of the day I have no energy to think let alone write about anything.

Right now I am having to take care of our family business by myself, take care of my daughter, take care of my mother (she tends to be sick this time of year a long story), take care of all the normal household duties, get ready for a class I am teaching next week and this weekend I had a sick husband. When Ava (my daughter) ever gets sick, Craig is soon to follow. So I thought I would get a break this weekend fat chance. It is so easy at these times to think of life as drudgery.

It seems "woman's work" is constantly challenged this way. "Men's work" tend to have a beginning middle and end. Caregiver tasks tend to be monotonous and repetitive. Luckily a lot of these roles are beginning to be reexamined and redefined. Some men are finding they are better well suited to be stay at home dads and moms may find they like working and being the main breadwinner. It could be a bit of both for each. It is actually an exciting time to reevaluate these roles or duties.

I would not call myself a natural caregiver. When I was a teenager I actually had friends that thought I would never have a family or relationship because I was too self-centered. Luckily I never saw myself that way. I just tend to be a bit more masculine in a lot of my outlook. Or at least what we call masculine traits. I tend to be unapologetic in my actions, tend to say what I mean directly and honestly from my perspective, have no problem stating my needs and getting them fulfilled. I do not tend to be overly emotional to the point I once thought crying was a weakness. Luckily the gift that came out of my first step-father's passing was the ability to cry openly and honestly. So I feel I have balanced my emotions better. I have also become a better caregiver. However I do not tend to fall into the trap of loosing myself in those I care for. I still have my own needs and fulfill them. I do not think children or a husband have the right to always come first and I come last. They share my life with me. If I do not take care of myself, they will nor get taken care of.

Today I was just hopping mad about my duties of being a mother and caregiver. No one was taking care of me. Luckily I was able to vent to my mother (duh) and it helped. I can not stand how little it is respected. It seems to be caregivers also do not tend to respect themselves for doing it either. We all lip service it, but it is still a long way to go to actually being honored. Caregivers tend to give without question and not speak up when it goes out of balance. We do not tend to ask for help we actually do not even get that we can ask. I say screw that. Rage...yes rage against this. Let's be heard.