Ok my plan was to write in this every other day. I think it was fairly ambitious, and I have already failed. lol Luckily, I bet just a few people are even hanging on my every word. So not a big loss that I did not follow through with my goal what can I say the Olympics happened.
I have gotten pretty involved with watching it. I am taking a break as we speak from women's figure skating. I am surprised I am watching it as much as I am. I have not been into Olympics this much since I was kid. So after watching the Olympics the majority of my free time, working during the day, and chasing after Ava I am just plain exhausted.
I did watch an interesting piece on the Sunday Morning Show on CBS(never was able to watch this before Ava was born). About the man behind Geitner who is handling all the stuff from wall street after the bailout. His name is Feinberg and I was really fascinated by him. He is supposed to be a master mediator. He has taken on some heavy hitting issues. Like the Vietnam vets suing companies who made Agent Orange and successful mediating a settlement that both agreed on when it was in the courts stalled for over 8 years. He was then asked to help with dividing the relief money to the 9/11 victims. He said the latter helped him become human again. He was too much a lawyer and was dealing with emotional issues too mentally.
He sounds like he has a great head on his shoulders and balance with his heart. He is behind tapping CEOs of Wall Street salaries and trying to change the way they have been doing business. You did not hear about him the main media. This piece on him gave me hope that someone actually does care in government.
So hope to post a bit more often after the Olympics.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Shocked
I have been a little hesitant to blog about this, but I want people realize there is no shame in mental illness.
In a very upbeat tone, "I got electrocuted today and I feel great!," said my sister. This is my first conversation with her, a few days ago, since going through a pretty involved round of of electroshock therapies that will last three weeks. I WAS ABSOLUTELY speechless. I have never known someone to have this let alone someone dear to my heart. My only experience is maybe One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest or Frances about how it was done a long time ago.
My mother and I did not want her to do this. We were very upset about the prospect, but she had left her life in the hands of my father and the California state. We found out the day before it happened. So it gave us no chance to really be there to support her or possibly find some alternatives. My father feels this was her only hope to be stable and the best she will have is possibly doing some kind of "assembly work" as he put it. My sister is a brilliant woman and part of the reason why she is sick. She is probably a little to real for this world and has a hard time coping with it. Her flair for understanding trends in pop culture before they even happened and her writings were incredible, but that was before the drugs and now the shock therapy.
My sister is bi-polar. I would bet I would also be labeled that if I had not taken back my life in my mid-20s. It was a nasty little secret that ran through my father's side of the family. It was never named, but the bizarre stories certainly point it out. I personally had my first episode when I was 11 entering middle school. It was the first time I was acutely aware of the how mean and cruel the world can be and it all centered around my locker. I just could not figure out how that darn thing opened. Anyone that helped me yelled at me or told me was stupid. This was something I was not accustomed to. I went through six weeks of this dark bit of hell I had never experienced before. Luckily a kind gym teacher told me we were going to get this and stayed with me until I figured it out.
Over the years I struggled with depression. I did some stupid things including not wanting to live. I could not get through college and failed at relationships. My life looked hopeless. I felt like I was worthless and would never be able to support myself. Then my aunt fell down a flight of stairs and since there was nothing going on in my life. I flew down to help her. It was the catalyst I needed. I was not focused on my pain, but helping someone else through theirs. I found my inner strength.
My sister's depressions did not start until she was in high school. Now everyone thinks my sister's mental illness is far worse than what I want through. Who knows. What I do know is deep down I always loved myself and genuinely had a positive outlook on live. So it was hard to stay in the "pit" as I called it. So I roller coasted a lot. My sister has given up hope that she can ever help herself out of this. I struggle with my relationship with her because of this. To her it is everyone else's fault. She would rather have drugs and now shock therapy to cope. I am still finding my peace about all of this and I do hope it works for her and she will find that light at the end of the tunnel.
I do appreciate my mother's knowledge of the system. She fought to keep us out of it as teenagers. I have no idea where I would be if that had not happened.
I use alternative means with essential oils, homoeopathics, and diet to help cope. I now see depression as a gift. When I look back at what triggered the depressions it was my brick wall to show me I was on the wrong path. When I corrected the path my life was even better before the depression hit. I emotionally grew stronger and realized I will never be "mainstream". I will just be me.
In a very upbeat tone, "I got electrocuted today and I feel great!," said my sister. This is my first conversation with her, a few days ago, since going through a pretty involved round of of electroshock therapies that will last three weeks. I WAS ABSOLUTELY speechless. I have never known someone to have this let alone someone dear to my heart. My only experience is maybe One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest or Frances about how it was done a long time ago.
My mother and I did not want her to do this. We were very upset about the prospect, but she had left her life in the hands of my father and the California state. We found out the day before it happened. So it gave us no chance to really be there to support her or possibly find some alternatives. My father feels this was her only hope to be stable and the best she will have is possibly doing some kind of "assembly work" as he put it. My sister is a brilliant woman and part of the reason why she is sick. She is probably a little to real for this world and has a hard time coping with it. Her flair for understanding trends in pop culture before they even happened and her writings were incredible, but that was before the drugs and now the shock therapy.
My sister is bi-polar. I would bet I would also be labeled that if I had not taken back my life in my mid-20s. It was a nasty little secret that ran through my father's side of the family. It was never named, but the bizarre stories certainly point it out. I personally had my first episode when I was 11 entering middle school. It was the first time I was acutely aware of the how mean and cruel the world can be and it all centered around my locker. I just could not figure out how that darn thing opened. Anyone that helped me yelled at me or told me was stupid. This was something I was not accustomed to. I went through six weeks of this dark bit of hell I had never experienced before. Luckily a kind gym teacher told me we were going to get this and stayed with me until I figured it out.
Over the years I struggled with depression. I did some stupid things including not wanting to live. I could not get through college and failed at relationships. My life looked hopeless. I felt like I was worthless and would never be able to support myself. Then my aunt fell down a flight of stairs and since there was nothing going on in my life. I flew down to help her. It was the catalyst I needed. I was not focused on my pain, but helping someone else through theirs. I found my inner strength.
My sister's depressions did not start until she was in high school. Now everyone thinks my sister's mental illness is far worse than what I want through. Who knows. What I do know is deep down I always loved myself and genuinely had a positive outlook on live. So it was hard to stay in the "pit" as I called it. So I roller coasted a lot. My sister has given up hope that she can ever help herself out of this. I struggle with my relationship with her because of this. To her it is everyone else's fault. She would rather have drugs and now shock therapy to cope. I am still finding my peace about all of this and I do hope it works for her and she will find that light at the end of the tunnel.
I do appreciate my mother's knowledge of the system. She fought to keep us out of it as teenagers. I have no idea where I would be if that had not happened.
I use alternative means with essential oils, homoeopathics, and diet to help cope. I now see depression as a gift. When I look back at what triggered the depressions it was my brick wall to show me I was on the wrong path. When I corrected the path my life was even better before the depression hit. I emotionally grew stronger and realized I will never be "mainstream". I will just be me.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Digital Nation
So I watched Front Line on PBS tonight. The theme was living in a digital world and what it has or has not done to us. It was really fascinating. Personally I have had a love hate relationship with all of it. I was 25 before I got a cell phone. I still just talk with it. No smart phone or i-phone for me. I think those are the same things. lol I have always loved my computer for information and my social connections. E-mail is my perfered mode of communication. However I have not gotten on board with Twitter. I really do not get it. And I am somewhat into Facebook, but have a problem with the superciality of it. Now the term Facebook Friend seems to be even further removed from how close you are to someone that is an acquaitance type friendship. We only have one TV in the house, but two computers and when my daughter is older will she have her own too? Or will it be a lastest kind of smart phone. I am really torn how this will all affect her. The personal computer when I was young was brand new concept. I still remain duey decimal system in the library. I do still read real books and have not jumped at Kindle.
In the documentary they made some interesting comparsions to this age to any other new "progress" in through out history. For example moving from oral traditions to the written word. Our memory got worse. We no longer had to memorize long poems anymore. So I think with any new technology there are pros and cons to it.
I am typically not that quick to jump on to the lastest technology bandwagon. I have yet to do Ti-VO because I am afraid I will like it too much. I have only been using Netflix since my daughter was born because I love movies and I found it hard to leave the house. I am addicted to that. Blogging is obviously something I just started. But I have been on a social networking site Meet-up.com for the last 4 or so years and I have watched it grown exponentially. I love the goal of it. To use the technology to connect us in the real world.
I do love that the documentary exposed research that says we are not as good with multi-tasking as we think we are. Case in point texting in the car until people see how poorly they are doing, they think they are doing it well. And people are dying because of it.
I also found it interesting how we focus now. We tend to only write in paragraphs. One paragraph really not relating to another. I a even finding that hard with this blog right now. Although it is all talking about digital themes I need to figure out if they are connecting.
I will be interested how I can help my daughter navigate through all of this and pray she does not start to do World of War Craft with her Daddy.
In the documentary they made some interesting comparsions to this age to any other new "progress" in through out history. For example moving from oral traditions to the written word. Our memory got worse. We no longer had to memorize long poems anymore. So I think with any new technology there are pros and cons to it.
I am typically not that quick to jump on to the lastest technology bandwagon. I have yet to do Ti-VO because I am afraid I will like it too much. I have only been using Netflix since my daughter was born because I love movies and I found it hard to leave the house. I am addicted to that. Blogging is obviously something I just started. But I have been on a social networking site Meet-up.com for the last 4 or so years and I have watched it grown exponentially. I love the goal of it. To use the technology to connect us in the real world.
I do love that the documentary exposed research that says we are not as good with multi-tasking as we think we are. Case in point texting in the car until people see how poorly they are doing, they think they are doing it well. And people are dying because of it.
I also found it interesting how we focus now. We tend to only write in paragraphs. One paragraph really not relating to another. I a even finding that hard with this blog right now. Although it is all talking about digital themes I need to figure out if they are connecting.
I will be interested how I can help my daughter navigate through all of this and pray she does not start to do World of War Craft with her Daddy.
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